I'm going in cold

Group projects and presentations. I know I am not the only one, but there are times that this fills me with fear, and times where I feel excited about the knowledge I can share.

This last week I was filled with the former, and it is all my own fault.  I hated (strong word!) the reading I needed to do for this presentation.  They were journal articles that were full of jargon, and writing that was neither clear nor concise. I found them incredibly difficult to get into, and barely gleaned any information, however after spending an entire weekend reading these two articles I decided that I had enough information to prove that I had read them, and could talk on the subject matter enough.  I was going in hoping.

Boy, my body belied the truth of my preparedness.  I was showing signs of stress before I went up with my group, it wasn't going to bother me, I've done presentations before, and done them very well.  Hah! So up I go, and we attempt to talk about the articles.

Well, then the sweats began. My feet were sweating. My KNEES were sweating (yes I went there!).  Then I tried to talk, fumbling through my notes that suddenly I could not read. My face went so red, and being so very pale and knowing everyone could see my discomfort I decided to own it.

"I'm so embarrassed right now, sorry guys" I say, fanning my face with my books.  Oh boy.

In the end I was able to say enough, and perhaps even redeem myself a little- I hope to still pass this element of assessment.

I learnt a very valuable lesson— no matter how difficult the subject is, it is no excuse for being under prepared, you need to be able to talk the talk.

Don't go in cold people, you will only come out hot!
     

The like button

Social media has a lot to answer for. It has permeated so much of so many peoples lives, and I am not immune to its effects.  I am not even talking about mere using using media, and the frequency it is used, but the way it has shaped our language  and relate to others.

Enter the like button. It crept upon me slowly, but it has left its mark. I only noticed how dependant I am on liking by noticing its absence. I find my self reading forums and blogs and wanting to 'like', and finding instead that I need to use words, where I have been using the like.

What does a like say? It says more than I like your picture or I like what you say. It also says I hear you, I support you, or I have sympathy I feel your pain.  It can say you are funny, or I like you.  How did this like button come to say so much?

I am not really sure how or when, but I like it.

Lessons in good writing from unexpected places

I have to write an essay on good writing, and I have really struggled to find the appropriate subject matter that I can pick apart, and still find that it is good writing.  "Good" is such a personal thing, however I still want to be able to discuss it and put forward a credible argument where others would agree with me.  I guess the problem is that the standards to which I hold myself, however unattainable, I also apply to others.  I read quite a lot, and I find that I will read things that I mostly enjoy, but pick apart the parts that I don't enjoy, and lump that into bad writing.  Perhaps then they really are unrealistic standards.

My son has a beautiful writing style.  Frankly, I find him quite amazing.  As he proudly showed me his homework one night this week I just had the greatest sense of pride in this wonderful nine year old.

What makes his writing beautiful? It is to the point, clear, concise, however I don't think it is basic.  He extends himself to learn new vocabulary, but only uses words that he can understand.  He manages to put humour into almost anything, never in-your-face-in-the-way humour, but dare I say it, he even borders on wit...like I said I think he is amazing.

It is always a pleasure to read his work, and I really don't think this is just a boastful mother talking.

If a nine year old can grasp writing in such style, then what is my excuse?


I am at the point that I have found a piece that I find 'worthy', and I am looking forward to writing this essay (so far).  I think that writing should be a pleasure - not only to read, but to write too.

Insomnia and the machine

So I completed two short essays over the weekend, handed them in Monday. Tuesday was the day for one of them to be returned. (Let's take a moment here to say "Bravo" to that busy lecturer for the fast turnaround!). I sit in class, maybe a little nervously as he starts to talk about the essays.  Said lecturer starts to pull out quotes from the essays.  They were good.  I mean really good.  Some of my classmates had captured some nuances that I hadn't even thought of.  Mine didn't get looked at.  So I sat there, and my palms began to sweat. Hell my FEET began to sweat.  He said he marked generously, the lowest was only a 7 out of 10, and that next time it would probably actually mean a 5. I was convinced- I was crap, I shouldn't be in this class, wasting his time and my time.  I had a 7- well should I really just call it a 5?

Finally he calls us one by one to return this darn essay, mine was near to top of the pile, and hesitantly I look while others have theirs returned.  First paragraph, no tick. Crap, missed the mark there, stupid intro, not what he wanted.  Next paragraph, a tick. Phew, it was okay. Third- two large ticks. Yes! Final paragraph, two more ticks! Okay, not too bad, I can live with this....this....oh my goodness, I got 9/10!  'Very well written'. Oh the relief! That feels good! 

Then, class is dismissed, I text a beautiful supportive uni friend who understands how my mind works.  We have a couple of jokes and get some wonderful encouragement.  Then the drive home.  I sit in there car analysing everything.  Is my nine really a seven? Very well written is not exceptionally well written. It's not at the top, so that means it's not really that good.  No, it's a nine and a very well written! That is a clear A! Take it woman!  And so the thoughts go round and round. Oh dear! Will I ever learn?

So then I spend a chunk of the evening telling myself off.

Oh, and checking my blog, haha.  Thrilled and a little scared to find that some classmates have started to follow me, and that I have some wonderful comments (thanks guys).  Here is where the insomnia kicks in. All this took me to the moment where I look at the clock and realise that it is 11pm.  I am an old lady(ish), way past my bedtime, so I quickly hop into bed.

Only to find that my mind is still racing, about what blogs I could write.  Gah!

Oh, the overthinking

"Far out, this essay is only 300 words and I'm sitting here staring at a blank screen-and checking Facebook haha. Seriously, it's not even that hard"

This, my post from a day last week that I had set aside for 'study', but it could be applied to any attempt at essay writing since starting uni last semester.  Why? Because I get crippled by the sheer possibility of everything I could write.   I get excited about where I could take my argument, at times indecisive about what line I would like my argument to take.  Then taking it back to readings, and relevant references- Wow - and all because I have this idea that I have to get great marks.  I overthink it all, and even though I know better now, one semester in I'm still doing it. I am however getting better at cutting out the nonsense in my own head, and that's a good start.  

I have been much the same with this blog.  I changed the name of it 3 or so times, started other blogs in case I didn't like where this one took me.  No, I'm not an overthinker at all!  (Or sarcastic).

The most important lesson I have learnt when completing assignments is that I do come up with good plans, I can actually write, and once that assignment has been handed in it ceases to be a worry.  So come on overthinking brain- let's get on board the less stress train while we are completing work, and our world will be a better place, okay?

Routine and curve balls

I am often surprised about the parallels between what I am studying in one class to that in another, then how that relates to my own life. I really shouldn't be, there is a reason why all this "stuff" has been, and continues to be, analysed, dissected, taught. 

Sociology was the theme for the first part of today, talking of our various roles in society, and how so often we don't really have a choice of what our roles are.  Wife, mother, student- there is really nothing new about these roles, even if there are new things for me. It can be startling to think of life this way.

I have managed to tick a few boxes today. I got my exercise in, house is at least reasonably tidy, I am almost getting my reading done (oh so much reading!). Then the unexpected-  an injured pet. It is ridiculous how off kilter you can get when a) your day doesn't go as planned, and b) there is an injury to a 'loved one'.  It takes up time and precious headspace, and I'm not even sure which one is more important.  

That's the juggling act that is life though, and I know that it is not only me- sociology tells me so!

I wanted to write a witty blog but maybe I'm too serious

Having to start  a blog as a uni assignment is quite daunting.  I'm not much of a sharer, even though I am on Facebook, and have recently started using instagram.  I really am just not that interested in people knowing all that much about me.  A touch of mystery is always good, right?  Well here we go anyway, and as it is not a state of normal for me I am going to share.  I am going to share the mundane, the exciting, the everyday excitements and frustrations of trying to do it "all", whatever all is.

Life is ridiculously busy for me, whilst so often feeling like it is on hold.  I'm a wife, a mother, a uni student, crazy cat and dog lady (so often my fb posts are animal related, how sad).  I try to keep the family nourished with delicious healthy foods (that are devoid of sugar, but more on that later), keep the house neat, walk the dogs, stay fit, keep on top of uni, spend 'quality time' with my son, nourish my relationship, stay sane, have alone time. 

 Life suffers during semester, I stop answering phone calls and replying to texts, I tend to not visit family and friends, and do as little as possible while keeping up with 'it all'.  There are some moments that are unproductive however - I don't study at night, no housework is done whilst the rest of the house is asleep, and I watch what is probably a stupid amount of television given all of the above.  So I guess this leads me to an aim for the rest of this semester for  a beginning - to be more 'present' in whatever it is I'm doing at the time.  To stop over complicating tasks, whether on the uni front or home front.  And I don't have to do it all.  Maybe.

And just maybe I will get to write those witty posts.