Oh the...haven't we been here before?

Here we go again. Caught myself at it again yesterday. It would seem I cannot help myself.  The overthinking! I received a mark back yesterday for an essay, and it was good.  An A, and I got some fabulous comments back.  "Your critical perspective...has created an excellent essay.  I really enjoyed your piece" amongst other smile inducing comments. I loved it. So what's the problem? It's a 'first world, A grade student' problem. Honestly I felt that the mark didn't reflect the comments. I wanted a higher A. 

What is wrong with me?  I, of course, analysed this all evening, debating on whether I should have it looked at, to chase those couple of extra points...  I had to ask myself "does this, will this, really even matter?"  Well of course no. And yes. It doesn't matter, I have the A, and that's what will show, not the numbers, so it really is enough. I can't help wanting those extra points- I know that I wrote an excellent essay, and I knew that I would get an A as I handed it in, it felt right.

Lightbulb moment.  There it was.  I have gained confidence, belief in myself.  I can write! Better still I can darn well recognise when my work is good, and not so good.  If I take nothing else from this bout, it is that recognition.  I wrote an excellent essay and knew it.  Huh, sounds weird, but going into second year knowing this can only help my writing. And that's worth an imaginary A too.

Procrasti-writing

I read this term this week and it sums up exactly what I do with this blog.  Writing something 'fun' instead of what you are meant to be writing.  I really do wish that I had coined that term, it's a good one!

This morning I had decided to let this blog go - it has served its purpose, there was no need to continue.  Fast forward to this afternoon, and I catch myself in major overthinking mode - and here we are procrasti-writing.

I am writing a "feature article" after interviewing a talented local journalist and author.  I enjoyed talking to her and I feel that I got some great material during the interview, too much really.  Over the last couple of days I have laboured over this article, getting up to the word count today.  In its rough first draft form I shoot it of to my trusty proof readers to see if I am on the right track... Gah!  No angle is the stern reply!  And they are totally right - they put their finger on exactly what I was struggling with.

So here I am reading over what I have written, and what I have to draw from, trying to finalise my angle.  And instead of just getting on with it I am beating myself up with thoughts like "What was I thinking?"  "I can't write" "FOOL!"  Gah!  The overthinking!!