Oh the...haven't we been here before?

Here we go again. Caught myself at it again yesterday. It would seem I cannot help myself.  The overthinking! I received a mark back yesterday for an essay, and it was good.  An A, and I got some fabulous comments back.  "Your critical perspective...has created an excellent essay.  I really enjoyed your piece" amongst other smile inducing comments. I loved it. So what's the problem? It's a 'first world, A grade student' problem. Honestly I felt that the mark didn't reflect the comments. I wanted a higher A. 

What is wrong with me?  I, of course, analysed this all evening, debating on whether I should have it looked at, to chase those couple of extra points...  I had to ask myself "does this, will this, really even matter?"  Well of course no. And yes. It doesn't matter, I have the A, and that's what will show, not the numbers, so it really is enough. I can't help wanting those extra points- I know that I wrote an excellent essay, and I knew that I would get an A as I handed it in, it felt right.

Lightbulb moment.  There it was.  I have gained confidence, belief in myself.  I can write! Better still I can darn well recognise when my work is good, and not so good.  If I take nothing else from this bout, it is that recognition.  I wrote an excellent essay and knew it.  Huh, sounds weird, but going into second year knowing this can only help my writing. And that's worth an imaginary A too.