Oh, I've changed

I have changed.  One of my majors that is.  It was a little confronting, but really not surprising.  I came into uni with the goal of self improvement and upskilling but without any parametres.  That is I had no clear idea of what I really wanted out of it, where I expected to go, what I wanted to do "When I grew up".  I rationalised this by thinking that I was being flexible, because life happens, and having a rigid idea of a career would not serve me well.  I thought that I would maybe apply for public service roles, in a graduate generalist program perhaps.  Not very exciting, or perhaps even realistic.  I needed some more focus.

I have always envied people who have it all together, with a well defined idea of where they want to go in life.  On the flip side, I feel sorry for those people when they don't have flexibility in those thoughts, or are so narrowly focused that they miss out on other opportunites.  Still, I envy that they know what they are doing and how to go about it.  I think fear in part is what holds me back from thinking this way.  Fear of rejection, or not living up to expectations - my own or others.

Anyway, I applied with uni with this flexible idea, and basically chose my major by most interesting subjects.  Sometmimes I would have a giggle to myself that perhaps it was an odd choice of major, a little left of field for my personality.  Those thoughts started to  occupy my headspace- and when I really considered a narrow focus into that field,  I realised that it might not be the best fit.  Not a bad or wrong fit, just not the best.  I am still interested in learning about those subjects, but I don't think that as a career it would be the most successful one.

So here I am.  I have changed.  I am still thinking flexibly, but I have definately got more focus.  I think this is a better fit, and I am already thinking of ways I can make this work - places and people I can go to gain experience, mentoring and the like.

I have changed, and I am excited.